Keeping Up Appearances

Coming to Korea, I understood that I would probably stick out like a sore thumb. If not for the fact that I’m 5’10’’, then definitely because I’m blond haired, blue eyed and a broad German. I didn’t expect to blend in with all of the Koreans around me, rather, I wanted to embrace being different and experience what it feels like to be a foreigner.

Over the past ten months, I have definitely had the experience to feel different. I have come to learn that Korean people as a whole tend to be very appearance oriented. Every surface that has a reflection will be used to check oneself. People spend their time on the subway fixing their hair in the window reflection (yes, even men) or using their compact mirrors to ensure that their makeup has not changed. I regularly see women pull out full sized hand mirrors from their big purses for the sole reason to look at themselves while they wait to arrive at their next destination. I’ll admit, most Koreans, especially the young women, are very attractive. BUT how do you know when the value placed on outward appearances has shifted from being normal to obsessive?

Throughout my time in Korea, I have had numerous experiences where people have treated me negatively because of my weight. My first experience was when I was in a women’s clothing store and the owner chased me out saying “you largey size… you too big”. The ironic thing about this experience was that I was looking at a purse. Even if I was buying clothing for myself and perhaps nothing would fit… shouldn’t it be my discovery to make instead of being shooed out of a store like I’m the plague?!

On another occasion, I went to a chiropractor because I had been experiencing a bit of back pain. I go to the chiropractor regularly in Canada, so this was nothing out of the ordinary. He was a very nice man, and seemed to be able to perform his job well. His English was a little lacking but he was able to communicate that my only problem was obesity. He suggested that I try some Korean diet pills and then all of my problems would ‘melt’ away. Now, I’m no expert, but I would have assumed that a chiropractor would be more interested in my bones and joints than prescribing me some hard core drugs which are created to feed on the insecurities of women and create billions of dollars of profit each year.

The experiences haven’t all been negative though… it seems that some individuals ‘appreciate’ my appearance. While I was traveling with my friend Diana, we were in the subway station climbing up some stairs. The area was pretty deserted and the mood was quite calm. All of the sudden I get a giant slap on my behind. I shriek because it took me by surprise, but I expected it to just be Diana. Nope! It was an old man with a large smirk on his face. When I gestured as to why he would just slap me on the butt, he just shrugged as if to say ‘why not?!’… now there’s some respect! Another man on the subway felt that it was necessary to tell my Korean friends that he loved the shape of my butt. Repeatedly he made hand gestures which emphasized the fact that my behind sticks out like a booty. This, of course, drew a fair amount of attention to me, and as the foreigner, I just laughed along at the crazy old man who says whatever pops into his head.

One might think that this only happens occasionally and randomly, but I recently learned that judgments and insults have also been flying in my workplace. One of the Korean head teachers at my school claimed that he didn’t know my name, and therefore referred to me as ‘pig-girl’ and ‘fatty-girl’. Now, not only is this immensely juvenile and immature, it also speaks volumes to the level of professionalism of a 30-something man who’s in a position of authority. The fact that a person would blatantly dehumanize and discriminate against someone in their workplace, in front of other colleagues shows illustrates a total disregard for competence and intelligence and focuses solely on the importance of physical perfection.

Last week I went to the doctors and was told again that I am obese. Now, if you’ve read my blog before and have seen pictures of me, you’ll notice that I’m no supermodel, but I’m also not at risk of falling over dead due to heart failure. In Canada, I feel very comfortable in my own skin and would classify myself as normal. In Korea, however it seems that this is somewhat of a joke. Recently, I have been wondering whether North America is just too accepting of differences among individuals or whether Korea is just ridiculously blinded by the fact that people are individuals, they are different and their worth should not be determined by the first glance you give them. I have decided upon the latter.

Not only is it mentally and emotionally destructive for people to put so much focus on obtaining perfection for their outward appearance, it’s also physically damaging. An article I read said that 13% or Koreans ages 15-59 had used diet pills, and 86% had dieted in the past year. This is especially surprising since the obesity rate in Korea is only 3.5%... clearly there’s something wrong with the way people perceive the term ‘healthy’. Many of these pills contain substances that are illegal in other parts of the world because they can be so damaging to one’s health. http://english.chosun.com/site/data/html_dir/2010/03/27/2010032700362.html

Now, obviously this topic has had an effect on me, since I decided to write this blog. It’s evident that the discrimination I’ve faced isn’t one of my favorite parts of Korea. The good thing for me though, is that I will return home to a country where I feel comfortable and accepted. This is not true for the kids I teach in class every day. When I have young girls complaining that they’re hungry but that their mom’s won’t give them more food because they don’t want them to get fat it pisses me off! These kids have so much academic pressure put on them, but to burden them even more by telling them that they’re not good enough physically… come on!

This country has grown at an incredibly rapid pace over the last 50 years and it is continuing to develop at lightning speed. I think that ambition and vision are vital for success but another important quality is balance. The competition in this country is huge, and everyone is just trying to get ahead, but when people push themselves so hard, they lose a sense of balance. Once balance is removed, people become irrational and this is where damage can occur. Somewhere, it seems that the balance has shifted between internal and external beauty.

It’s evident that Korean parents put endless resources into developing their children’s minds, but in a society that’s also so fixated on outward appearances, where will these kids learn the importance of strong character and a good personality? What will happen to future generations? And how will a country that is so rapidly emerging in the world ever be able to relate on a global scale if they can’t accept differences and individuality.